Thursday, September 3, 2015

It's Not You, It's Me...

Those words often relate to a relationship that's gone south, right? Either the guy or the girl says it to the other to get out of the relationship because for some reason or other, it's just not working and to spare the other person's feelings, you put the blame on yourself and not the other.

The interesting thing about that phrase is that IT'S TRUE! And apparently, it applies to every relationship. It's always me. Not you. It's just dawning on me now...

It was first brought to my attention in my talks with my gf. She was a former teacher of D's (Waldorf, or course). And we have become good friends. We'd get together and I would inevitably make a comment like, "But the hubs is so annoying!!!" And her response would be, "It's you, Belinda. Take a look at yourself." I would look at her with a puzzled look and she would always explain, "He is not annoying. It's a reflection of yourself. You are making him annoying."

Still confused. I definitely can see that I am quite annoying, yes. And I do feel very blessed that I am married to a man that loves me nonetheless. He is very tolerant of my lack of patience and my bursts of anger. Whoops. So, in my mind I've always thought, "Well, I am very annoying so who am I to judge?"

But just lately, it's really hit me on the head. I GET IT! Don't we all approach every person, every situation with a pre-conceived notion? So, if ever someone is annoying, it's your perception, right? They don't have to be annoying unless you let them be. (Of course, there are those people that just ARE annoying...I can think of one in particular and she's really annoying. Good thing I don't ever see her..but I digress.)

For instance, I have a friend that has said to me, "I just didn't connect with that group of parents...but I definitely connect with this other group." And in looking at that statement, I thought - Couldn't it just be that she didn't connect with them, not because they weren't friendly, but because in fact, she was judging them? And when they didn't prove otherwise, it proved her pre-conceived notion and therefore she's making a judgement that the first group was not friendly.

I have found myself in instances where a friend and I will go somewhere and the friend will make a statement after like, "Didn't you feel like X was sort of such and such?" And I would say, "Huh? Not at all..."

Well, that is just two people approaching people/situations from different reference points.

In Waldorf teacher training, we are encouraged to practice Rudolf Steiner's Six Basic Exercises, which I have not done. However, I was talking to D's teacher about them today and he was running through them, reviewing each one. When he got to exercise 5, I thought, "Wow! Yes, it would be nice to approach things in this manner."

The fifth exercise is about being open-minded:

Being open-minded is a capability little children possess in a natural way. Infants and toddlers always offer a rich display of the spontaneous power to experience every moment of the day as new. What is a natural thing when you are young must be practiced later on with much effort as a virtue. 

It means holding back judgment. Approaching every moment as new - with an observant attitude. How refreshing would that be to cultivate this? Easier said than done, but Waldorf teachers practice this every day.

Can anyone tell that I am really feeling the #Waldorflove these days? is about to start...

And just being around Waldorf teachers and taking Waldorf teacher training at WISC makes me a better person (well...that's a bold statement, makes me want to be a better person). Inspires me to self-reflect all the time.

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