Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Ego

I have shared before that I do a lot of self-reflecting. Truly, I feel as if Los Angelenos should not need therapy at all. We all spend enough time in our cars, slowly moving that we have plenty of time to self-reflect and just think about life in general.

Whether in a car or not, I often spend a good portion of my day self-reflecting. Mostly on how a conversation with my child could've gone better. Recently, as I was self-reflecting on a conversation and why I said what I said, I realized that oftentimes, our conversations or interactions don't go so well because my ego presence if very large. Basically, my sense of "I" and "Me".

Case in point, I had a really prickly interaction with my child the other morning when she wasn't icing her swollen ankle. The ego in me was so angry that she couldn't take care of herself AND that she could see I was really busy making breakfast, lunch and carting her contemplating the conversation and why I got so mad, I clearly recognized that she was not helping in trying to make my life easier as I was trying to do with her. And really, it was not that big of a deal and I could very well have just helped her to reposition her ice pack rather than flying into a little bit of a rage.

It was in my self reflection that a little light came on. Y'know, if I were to take my ego out of the equation in many interactions regardless of the person, well, that would help in all communications wouldn't it?

I thought upon it and thought upon it. And, the universe certainly works in wonderous way. Just as it was fading from my memory, the other day, I went to my bookshelf to pick out a book to read. I chose, "The Heart of the Buddha" by Chogyam Trungpa. It's one of many buddhist books that I have sitting on my bookshelf waiting to be read. And you know what?? The very first chapter talks about Egolessness! Whaat??! Yep. That is exactly what it talks about it talks about the importance of silent meditation.

Which is something else that I have been contemplating. I have not been able to find the time or space to meditate. I've been reasoning that I spend a lot of quiet time doing stuff and in doing so, I am sort of in point, my last post about dog meditation. But in this chapter, Chogyam Trungpa basically states that silent mediation is necessary.

Two affirmations to questions that have been on my mind. Amazing.

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