Sometimes, I do so much better with writing things out rather than having a conversation. I feel like in conversation, there's the possibility of being interrupted and throwing my thoughts off course. Especially during heated times. However, I think the hubs differs in opinion.
Once, we had a disagreement that didn't go so well as we often talk ourselves in circles. Him not hearing what I'm saying and me not hearing him as don't we often just hear what we want to hear?
So, I promptly went upstairs to my office and typed out a long explanation of my feelings (this way I can gather my thoughts and express them)...and he promptly and succinctly responded with "unsubscribe". Not cool. And from then on I've never written him anything when it pertains to feelings.
A few weeks ago, I was speaking quite harshly with my daughter. In Kindergarten, the teacher reminds us that we must learn to LOVE to remind our children of any chores or actions we want them to take. Sometimes, that just gets so irritating - having to repeat myself over and over. After she had gone to bed, the hubs said, "Hey, you really hurt D's feeling tonight. The way you were talking to her." I responded something like, "Well, I had to keep telling her and telling her. I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself!" He said, "I'm not saying right or wrong. I'm just telling you how you made her feel."
Welllll....that made me think and then I really felt bad. It's terrible to speak to my child in a harsh manner for no reason at all. I don't want to be that kind of mom.
I immediately felt compelled to draw out a card of apology:
I then sent it into her room under the door. She found it in the morning and we had a nice conversation about it. I really felt terrible and I think she understood.
She now does the same thing. The other day, she made me so angry that I had nothing to say but just sent her to her room. She at first cried, but then took out some paper and her pens and made an origami star and wrote out an "I'm sorry" note and put it in the star. When she was ready to come out, she said, "I made something for you." She handed it to me and all was forgiven and forgetten.
Today, she and her friends were being a bit out of control and threw something onto the roof of the house! The hubs had to rescue it. The girls were all excited! "Mama, daddy saved it for us! And it was M's idea how to get it down." My response was, "Well that is all good and well but who's idea was it to throw it in the first place?" All three denied having the idea. My last word was "Well, that blanket didn't get on the roof by itself."
They walked out and some minutes later, came out with this:
How sweet is that?