Saturday, January 4, 2014

Good cop, bad cop...a little maturity, or...instilling FEAR

Soo...yesterday was an interesting day.  D was acting particularly ornery.  We had taken her and a friend to Mountain High for a day of skiing.  We had a good time but G was a bit annoyed that D was a bit whiney and wouldn't carry her own skis (um, she's four...) In the car, I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but D's friend said, "I am so lucky to have my dad because he always plays with me."  D says, "I wish I had parents that played with me..."
 G was not happy.  He plays with her ALL THE TIME.  I am not kidding.  ALL THE TIME.  Every he was really upset.
Then D said something else, she was upset about something and she hit me.  Mind you, this girl always hits me when she is upset.  It's not right but, I'm not quite sure how to address it.  My response varies from a mellow, "Sweetie, that's not kind to hit." to sometimes hitting her back, obviously not hard but just to get the point across which always makes her cry.
In any case, yesterday, G lost it when she hit me.  He pulled over, pulled her out of the car and had a good (loud) talking to her.  Telling her she is never to hit mommy.  (Well, obvi.)
When we got home, she wanted to walk her friend home, but she was not allowed.  She was mad about that. G asked her to take her helmet in and she dropped it on the ground in defiance. That made him mad. He came home and said we were donating her helmet and no more skiing for her.  She cried and ran to her room.
Dad was livid.  He was ready to pull horse riding lessons until her behavior improved. We were whispering back and forth over why that is not a good decision.
Me:  She doesn't understand the correlation between what is going on and not having horse lessons.
G: Oh, she fully understands.  Don't underestimate her.
Me:  She didn't drop the helmet with malicious intent. She was just upset and that is how she showed it. (I know that feeling. I totally get like that.)
G: No, I am sure she did it to get under my skin.
Me:  Be that as it may, we cannot take privileges away from her...if you do take away horse lessons, when would she start them up again?
G: When we determine that her attitude has improved.
Me:  Well, what if she improves the next day?
G: No, it will have to be longer than that.  We will just have to see.
Me: That is not right.  Then it is indefinite.  There is no end date.  We cannot do that.

We ultimately did not take away any privileges. G ended up having a conversation with her that I did not hear.  But all seems to be fine.

We had a lovely day with her.  A lot more yesses than nos.  At one point in the evening, we were at a party, she was mad that I wasn't letting her have a candy necklace. She hit my leg. I ignored it and two seconds later, she was rubbing where she hit me.  I will take that as an "apology" for hitting my leg. (smile)

So, not sure what did it (did she overhear our whispering and appreciated our calming down?) and whether it will last but we shall see.  And in the interim, I will continue to work on mellow reactions to her actions.  I think that will help her.  Don't make mountains out of molehills.

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