Today was totally a learning day for me. The morning started with D yelling at me because she felt like it. She was probably getting tired of my "reminding" her to get her socks, brush her teeth, get her jacket...
Well, I had enough and I started yelling then too.
Basically just saying, "ARE WE YELLING NOW??!!" Which I knew was going to make her sad. She cries when we yell. I then explained very loudly that if she's going to yell then I was going to yell. Is that how we want to start our day??
Though our voices got calmer we continued our conversation in the car on the way to school. D kept trying to say I kept nagging which made her upset. And I countered with, "Well, you weren't thinking for yourself. You didn't get your socks and you hadn't brushed your teeth."
What we ended up with was my saying in a very calm and matter of fact manner, "Regardless of how upset you might be you should not raise your voice to me. I am your mother and that is disrespectful." To which there was silence. I think she got it.
Fast forward to this evening. We walk in the door and I am telling D to get ready for the shower. Earlier in the day we had agreed that we would go to the farmer's market and afterwards, she would come home and shower before bed. So, I say to her, "Get ready for the shower." She's lollygagging on the couch. I repeat myself and she's still not moving. So, then I raised my voice a bit and announced, "I don't want to have to tell you again! Get ready for the shower."
To which D replied, "Why are you yelling? I haven't been mean to you all day."
My bad. You know, at that moment I took a step back and said, "You know, you're right. I should not have yelled. Thank you for reminding me." I bent down and gave her a hug and it felt good. And later we were able to joke about it. May I find my patience sooner the next time around so I don't resort to yelling.
And then later this evening, the hubs, who happens to be out of town on business comes across a "Don'ts for Wives" book. This is what he send me:
We have had numerous conversations about points one and two above...and I've heard him but sort of just ignored as "an old dog can't learn new tricks. You can't change a tiger's stripes.." But, I am a firm believer in the universe and what the universe brings. And how in the world did this book just happen to have two very strong points one after the other that apply directly to me??! How?
So, point taken. There's something else I need to work on and I will. May the universe give me strength and provide me with inner pause to be able to recognize intentions before they become actions.