Women have this guilt complex that needs to go away. Take that guilt, put it in a box, hammer down the top and sail it right down the river. I'm serious. These past couple of weeks I keep coming across my mom friends that have guilt complexes and they shouldn't..
Scenario one: A gf mentions that she's skeptical of getting married because she's afraid she might lose a bit of herself. She said this in front of the hubs who immediately chimed in, "Well, you should take some cues from Belinda! She hasn't lost herself AT ALL. She's always taking "me" time..."
Ummm, hells yeah! And I am not sorry for it.
Scenario two: Gf announces during a snack break at school, "Man, I wish I had known we were going to have remedial exercises this afternoon. I really would've wanted to stay." Me: "Why don't you stay?" Gf: "Oh, because I told my husband I'd take the kids to a birthday party..." Me: "Sooo, can't he just take them????" Gf: "Yes, he could but then I feel bad because I'm actually going out tonight too....." She ended up going home.
WHO CARES?!! The husband can't take care of the kids for an ENTIRE day? Oh my gawd. Oh no...poor husband. He can't take care of the kids all day. He'll be wiped out...blah.
I mean, listen, I've had my guilt feelings too. I used to feel bad (guilty) if I wanted to go out with my girlfriends or if I was going to be gone all day, I too, would be the person to say, "Oh man, I can't go out to meet you tonight because I've been gone all day.." Maybe there are even still times that I do that...but I certainly try not to. But I don't go overboard either (what does that even mean?)
But then I took a step back and said to myself, "WHY NOT?! Why do I have to feel guilty about being away? I take care of the kid all day long. Even when she is at school, she's on my mind. I work too. And even if I didn't work, hello, being a stay at home mom is a FULL TIME JOB. And there are some women who maybe say, "Aw, well I feel bad because he works so hard all week...he needs some down time." Well maybe but as far as I'm concerned, going to work means you do get downtime. Helllllooo? I've worked in an office before. I know that plenty of people are not grinding away at their jobs all day long.
Being a father means taking care of the kid(s). It's not called babysitting when it's your own kid. They should have no problem doing it.
Another mom: I'll be taking classes away so I'll be gone two weekends out of the summer. Thursday through Sunday. Me: Cool! Her: Yeah, but I just feel bad. What's the hubs going to do? Me: Who cares?? I mean, I'm sure he is quite capable of taking care of the kids. Even if he feeds them pizza and candy every night. Who cares? It's four days. They won't die....Of course, you just can't harp on him for it because that will just make him not want to take care of the kids next time, right? But your time is your time. OWN IT!!
Right? Am I right or what?? In my mind, it really just makes for a better existence when each spouse can just do what is right for him/herself. Women...own it. Take it. You'll be better off for it. And let's look at it this way. When women get together, it's usually to exchange ideas and talk about things that will have a positive impact on either our households, our community or the world around us. When men get together, they are likely just talking about sports scores.