Infidelity

Here are my thoughts on infidelity and why our current common response as women doesn't serve anyone or our offspring coming up behind us.
Lately, I've heard a lot about infidelity. You know, husbands cheating on their wives...this seems to be a common scenario:


Dick cheated on Mary.
Oh, no...how could he?
Mary is so pissed! She's so pissed at that whore!
What will they do?
Well..Mary is not willing to let go of the relationship. Any variation of She loves Dick, they'll stay together for the kids, she doesn't know what to do, he's so sorry.

In my opinion, as a woman, I have been boy crazy all my life. I love when my girlfriends are single because my thought is "Wow, the world is your oyster! There's so many men out there...so much fun." But guess what? I'm married and to a very wonderful man. However, I don't care how wonderful he is, if I am holding myself up to a higher standard - that of being committed and not indulging in opportunities to jump in the sack, then I expect the same from him. Is that too much to ask? A companion does not love you or respect you if he/she cheats on you. And the best thing any woman can do is to pick up your bags and leave.

As girlfriends on the sidelines, we aren't doing our friends any favors when we sit around and coddle and also chime in on "oh..that woman is such a whore." Listen, it ain't the other woman's fault. And if we continue to look at it that way then men and the males that are growing up within our families will continue to think it's okay.

My first inclination is to think, As a woman, we owe it to our daughters to walk away from infidelity to set the standard that MY life and my thoughts are important. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. But then if you think about it, if you have sons, it is also imperative that you walk away from infidelity so that they learn that infidelity is WRONG and there are repercussions - like a broken family. You cheat, guess what? You are the cause of a broken family. I'm not saying that there needs to be name-calling. It doesn't mean the cheater is a bad person. Just something is broken in this relationship, but if you couldn't fix it by communication or just walking away without cheating, then the result is divorce. No, we can't "work things out" after because you disrespected me. If we continue to allow this scenario to play out between a man and a woman, then these kinds of #metoo moments will continue to take place.

So, please, don't stay together for the kids. That just makes a man disrespecting a woman okay. And if it's okay in the home then why isn't it okay outside of the home? No thanks.

Going back to the working things out via communication, therapy brings me to this. Let's not forget that half the time men cheat is because maybe there is a need that was not met. So, as a person who got cheated on, it's not out of the question to also take a look at yourself and see what you were ignoring that might've been right in front of you. We only get one life on this earth and we are learning every day of this life. Self reflection plays a big part in improving our own lives. We always should look at ourselves first, though, of course it's easier to just point a finger and call others names and put the blame on others. But, introspection works wonders. I know, I do it A LOT.

As a side note, I've not seen a lot of divorce situations where it hasn't worked out better for all parties involved. Guess what? People make mistakes. It's okay. The problem arises when you don't learn and grow from it. I would equate it to businesses. Successful CEOs will say, embrace failing. Fail upwards. You learn from your mistakes, you adjust and you do better the next time. Why can't "failing upwards" work for our personal lives too?